I was recently in a job interview, and the interviewer asked one of the basic questions you always hear, “What sets you apart from the rest of the world?” I answered smugly, “I get things done!” I proceeded to talk about my adventure where I sold everything, left my comfy 9 – 5 job at Dell, and moved across the world to Australia for a year. He gave the typical gasp of amazement and proceeded to ask, “If we needed you to get in front of decision makers, how would you do this?” I responded, “I would pick up the phone and call everyone from the CEO to the Janitors until someone got me in touch with the right person.” It was at this point he threw out the question that officially stumped me for the first time EVER in an interview! “Why don’t you have any fear?” This took me by surprise as I had never been asked this question before. It was not some question I had been pre-fed by a prep class, or read in the “Top Ten Interview Questions” article minutes before my interview. In short, I narrowly dodged the question by explaining how my family helped us, as children, to face our fears by teaching valuable sales and interpersonal skills. After receiving the job, the Interviewer’s question regarding my lack of fear continued to bother me until it drove me to seek the answer.
What is Fear?
I recently read an interesting article by Karl Albrecht, Ph.D, discussing the types of fear we all face and breaking them into five succinct sections. The author claimed every type of fear can be categorized into one of the following five groups:
(http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brainsnacks/201203/the-only-5-fears-we-all-share),
- Extinction – fear of dying
- Mutilation – fear of our body being injured (snakes, spiders, etc.)
- Loss of Autonomy – fear of Intimacy or losing our freedom
- Fear of separation – fear of being rejected
- Ego death – Fear of failure
Prior to reading this article, I agreed with my interviewer concerning my lack of fear. I travel and move to different countries alone, I started my first company at 12, and thrive off the adrenaline terror brings. However, after reading this article, reality hit me like a ton of bricks…….at my core, I am terrified of everything!!!
As far back as 3rd grade I would lie to seem cool with friends, or wear certain clothing to make me feel like part of a group. I was afraid I would be rejected for being different! In reality, I thought the others looked absolutely insane. It took me years to realize there is absolutely no way to please everyone and being myself was enough to “be cool”.
Fears like this ruled my life until in 2006, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, and I can honestly say that is the most afraid I have ever been. I remember it like it happened ten minutes ago. An amazingly beautiful nurse from Columbia came in — possibly why I remember the story so well — and proceeded to share I would have this illness for the rest of my life. It was at that distinct moment where all my naive and youthful invincibility came crashing down on top of me! I felt like a Nuclear bomb had gone off in my head, and I was trying to scramble what little sense I could before the inevitable happened….I cried.
Looking back on this situation and seeing where my life has evolved, I can honestly say, if I could go back in time and magically cure myself, I would not. This extremely trying moment taught me a valuable life lesson — the cure for fear!
Cure for Fear
Anytime anyone called me brave or adventurous there were an equal amount of voices causing doubts and panic in my mind. To combat these negative voices I practiced four simple steps to conquer my fears.
Take a few deep breaths
Ask yourself what is causing this fear
Research my options…STRATEGIZE
Be bold and Act!!!
We ALL have it!
We all have fears. I have been trapped in absolutely terrible situations because I refused to face this terrifying emotion called, “Fear.”
- I can’t leave my job — I am afraid I won’t be able to pay my bills
- I can’t get out of this relationship — I’m afraid I will be alone
- I can’t move there — it is too far away
- I can’t be healthy again….
- I can’t….
- I can’…
- I can’…
I was making excuses: Every time I said, “I can’t,” I was making an excuse I was unwilling to beat or conquer. Life is supposed to be challenging! If it is too easy, I get bored. When looking back on my life’s situation, I came to realize the harder I worked for what I earned, the more satisfying the end results. The true “win” in my life has been the goals and dreams I wanted so fiercely that I pushed, fought, and clawed through those excuses saying, “I’m taking this today! Not tomorrow! But TODAY!” If you find yourself making these excuses, take a step back and realize you probably are not prepared.
“By failing to prepare you are preparing to fail.” – Benjamin Franklin
Luck Happens To the Prepared: Preparation is the key to breaking through excuses and fear. I realized that every time I have fear it is because I was not knowledgeable about the next steps of my life. I had this anxiety that ruled my life since I was a child — mainly because I didn’t “know” any better. When I got sick, I did not “know” what I could do. I felt out of control, lost and scared. When I did not “know” how to get to Australia, I was terrified. But as I researched more, that anxiety turned to understanding, which led to excitement. We live in an age of information – I challenge you to find that goal or dream, research, and ACT!
“If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough.” – Ellen Johnson Sirleaf
*Final Thoughts*
Look at your life and embrace the things you are truly afraid and terrified of. Fear is healthy and at times a very important and necessary emotion. It all comes down to taking that fear and turning it into action that will allow us to live our lives to the fullest! There is something incredible about putting yourself in an intense situation, or a new environment without any way to turn back! It makes you grow and evolve into your “best” you!
You deserve to be happy: This is the one truth I literally scream at myself every day to ensure fear is not taking over. I tell people they deserve to be happy, and I usually get a smile as they just stare at me like I have told them something foreign or bizarre. For some reason, we all love to live in these excuses and the act of living our lives becomes secondary. You don’t have to be doing what you’re doing, you don’t have to listen to the excuses! Conquer your fears, go live your life, and enjoy what is right in front of us every day.
“You know, sometimes all you need is twenty-seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty-seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.”